Joke Time
Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?
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Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take
this train to Kuala Lumpur.
Station Master : No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy.
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Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair of the same at home.
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Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the
game went into extra time.
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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second Guy : “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
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The girl asked her lover, “Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?”
“Sure, ” replied her lover “What’s your phone number?”
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A commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table
and shouted, “Order, order.”
The drunkard immediately responded, “Thank you , your honour, I’ll
have a scotch and soda.”
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‘For twenty years my husband and I were very happy’
‘What happened then?’
‘We met.’
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Customer :’If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Brighton
in two days’ time?’
Post Master : ‘Well it might do.’
Customer : I bet you, it won’t.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It’s addressed to London.
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An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
‘My trouble is,’ he said, ‘that I keep forgetting things.’
‘How long has this been going on?’ asked the psychiatrist.
‘How long has what been going on?’ said the man.
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Girl : Do you love me ?
Boy : Yes Dear
Girl : Would you die for me ?
Boy : No, mine is undying love
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1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
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Man : How old is your father ?
Boy : As old as me
Man : How can that be ?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born
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Teacher : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the field”
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first.
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Waiter : I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer : Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
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BOY : May I hold your hand??
GIRL : No thanks, it isn’t heavy.
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GIRL : Did you miss me while I was away??
BOY : Were you away??
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GIRL : Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night??
BOY : What time was it??
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GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me…
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GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest..
BOY : Then marry me and we’ll be the happiest couple..
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CAROL : Do you remember when you proposed to me? I
was so overwhelmed, I couldn’t speak for an hour..
PETER : Yes Darling, that was the happiest hour of my life…
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1st MAN : I’m worried about my daughter. She keeps
being chased by the doctor.
2nd MAN : Has she tried an apple??
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GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever..
BOY : Don’t you ever want to improve??
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BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
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BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
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SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He’d forgotten to take the
cigarette out of his mouth.
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Man : You remind me of the sea.
Woman : Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
Man : NO, because you make me sick.
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Wife : You tell a man something, it goes in one
ear and comes out of the other.
Husband : You tell a woman something: It goes in
both ears and comes out of the mouth.
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Mary : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.
What do u think, Peter?
Peter : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.
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Customer : How much is that tie?
Salesman : Forty dollars.
Customer : Why, I can buy a pair of shoes with that much money.
Salesman : But how would a pair of shoes look around your neck.
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Jimmy : Mom, can I have two piece of cake?
Mom : Certainly. Take this piece and cut it in two.
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Woman : How can I ever repay you for your kindness
and consideration to me?
Man : By cheque, money order or cash.
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Sam : I hate to see a girl standing in a bus when I comfortable seated.
Lily : So what do you do?
Sam : I close my eyes.
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Teacher : Have you given the goldfish fresh water?
Pupil : No, Sir. They haven’t finished the water I gave them last week.
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Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it’s a sponge cake, isn’t it?
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Man : I’m new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?
Little boy : I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.
Man : Why should I pay you so much?
Little boy : Because bank directors are always highly paid.